My mistake -- @noremacenorc reminded me of this one. Top winner. Clearly my audience likes citrus and wadded purple shorts

It's the soup of the day

Buffalo

Xmas moth

Googled myself

FBF

There must be at least two dollars here

#TGIF

On the plane yesterday the couple sitting next to me each had their own copies of The Meaning of Marriage, and the woman kept putting her bare feet on my seat pocket (she had a tattoo on the foot that said Live With Passion, and blue toenails). I thought I heard someone say "I have a friend who is violent and I will not have breakfast with him," and for a second I thought the attendant kept saying crash, crash, but I realized she was saying trash, trash.

A tool at golden hour

Tape time

Jumped the shark

sent via latergramme

So I was walking along Santa Monica blvd in Hollywood today with @redbeansandbrice when we saw this guy ghost riding his bmw (sitting on the hood and reaching into the window to steer), making a peace sign with a dog in the driver's seat. It took me a moment to realize that wasn't ok and then I realized he was heading for a red light with a bus crossing the street in front of him. He somehow swerved to avoid traffic but obviously couldn't stop because no dog has legs that long and then they swerved into the bus stop and knocked over a street light. Then a group of punk kids ran over saying they were EMTs and the guy dropped the dog over a fence and started celebrating and kneeling in what could have been either surrender or prayer, then this weight lifter guy from Jersey came and started showing us his Fuck Police tats (on both arms) and complaining that they weren't controlling traffic and somehow relating the responding officer to Hillary Clinton and then as this was happening a sweet and curious photographer from Ethiopia showed up asking what happened, saying she's here to document American life, and asked me to describe the driver, so I said some dude, which resulted in her telling me I'm a peach and that people often refer to blondes as peaches? Does this sort of thing happen more often in New York?

Hidden Danger: What They Don't Tell You About Cottage Cheese

Microwave demands

Just before the audience ripped the usher's head off and devoured his still beating heart

Seen heading for the airport

all stories end in satire. i was at a party (your first clue this is a dream) and had to use the bathroom but when i got there a small dog closed the door and then a dragon-dog with lemur eyes in the front of its head started biting me. after i recognized him i said, i loved you as falkor, and he relented somewhat, but there was still anger in his eyes.

Curious manatee